“My dad left my mom when I was born.”
“He was never physically there for me.”
“My dad was always emotionally unavailable.”
We’ll call this the first of many pieces of me that I’ll share.
We’ve all either heard or said one of these, and I’m here to tell you that you aren’t the first and won’t be the last to say it nor hear it.
As the only girl of 6 of my father’s kids, I find it very hard to emotionally connect with my father (crazy huh?). Above all else, our relationship has taken its turns, which is equally both of our faults.
My daddy issues started the day I was conceived. A married man alongside a woman who had no clue what she was getting herself into, brought me into this crazy world. Naturally, when told the story of my conception, there are many different viewpoints. It took some time for me to form my very own about the situation, though. There was the hurt wife, who still to this day cannot trust her husband .At 10 years old, I could never understand that. Then there is my prideful and arrogant father, whom I love very dearly.
When I look into my estranged step-mother’s eyes, I see hurt. It has not only been hard to accept me, but also my mother who she believes was involved with my father while knowing he was still a married man. It’s so easy to say, “Well why didn’t she just leave him?” I’ll never know why. However as someone who has loved, I know that she does love him. Her hurt reminds me of my failed “relationships” and the difficulties that I , and other women alike , endure in love. I often blamed myself as the intruder of a happy home and wondered if I would never be happy with an honest, loving guy after all.
Welp. Fast-forward to today. While I do believe that children suffer for the sins of the father, I know better than to carry his weight on my shoulders. I haven’t had the best of relationships, but I can no longer blame that on myself or my father. Everything happens for a reason. Though I see some ugly traits of my father, I still love him and always will. He may not be the type of man I want to marry, but he is my father.
Furthermore, looking for a man to fill the void of your father in his absence (emotionally, financially) , in my opinion , is synonymous to being weak. I’ve seen girls give up their independence, being dependent on a man financially, and become lost without him emotionally when he left. Challenge yourself to overcome the odds placed against you as a fatherless child. How long until you blame the absence of any man for the failure of your own dreams?