I knew years before the accident . Something always stuck out to me about this particular person but all that I could ever come up with was , "different" . For so long , i'd hear people tease , never truly feeding into the hype .As time progressed , I seen the words weigh on my friend like never before. If I could imagine someone on the ocean floor trying to toss the water into the air ...that ...would be the perfect example of his everyday demeanor. The world may have been physically on his shoulders. With every passing day , the issue became more evident and I just had to stop it before it got too far.
"Hello" , i spoke quietly one day , sneaking on my cellphone after hours, " When you get this message please call back . I miss you . I hope things are okay . Call soon" .
Days went by before I got a response. Eventually , I learned that he'd been picked up by police after days of being missing in the city .
Relieved and hurt I searched for answers , but to no avail , I soon quit .
The odd behaviors resurfaced and what looked like a daily struggle to stay alive became all too obvious to any seeing eye.
The last thing you said to me : I don't know whats wrong with me , I just know that I will never be happy . I thought about the possible reasons why - For fear of disappointing God , your family etc.
Besides , no one listened to your cries of emotional distress before ... why would they now?
Then it happened , he walked into my room slowly , eyes dilated and if only his stare shot knives , I would be suffering from MULTIPLE wounds.
There was sweat all over , blood all over and whatever it was that was used must have been pretty sharp . The way the blood trickled down his shirt, down his arms and into his hands...I was sure that I was dreaming until he said " I can only be me"
I screamed . Nothing came out .
I cried . No tears fell.
I gasped and gasped until sound came out and by the time someone finally came , you were on my bedroom floor in a daze. I thought i'd lost you . I thought that you'd taken your life.
I thought that you were so overcome with the thought of neglect from people who wouldn't accept your sexual preference , that you'd cut into that vain so deep that you'd bled to death .
Today , you are one of the strongest , spunkiest , and smartest people that I know . You'll be graduating college soon and you've reached heights that were once unimaginable. You've overcome obstacles and accepted your sexuality , allowing those who did not to fall by the wayside. Of course not with malice intent , but for the sake of being sane.
For anyone who has considered suicide when the rainbow was enough ..consider this , trouble doesn't last . My brother attempted suicide about 10 years ago right before my eyes because of the fear that no one would accept him in his "coming out" as a gay young man. There will be people who don't understand why you live your life the way that you do , and that's okay . We must be mindful of the people that we aim to please and to what extent we go on doing so. So often , we allow ourselves to get caught up , forgetting our own happiness to satisfy the expectations of those we love.
Just know , that if love truly lives and is mutually shared , the "disappointment" will pass . Hate cannot exist where love does. If you ever find yourself giving up and wanting to end the pain on your own ...remember that someone loves you . I love you . Wherever you are , trouble doesn't last always.
If you or someone you know needs a reason to live today call the suicide hotline , available 24/7 at 1800-273-TALK(8255)