I strongly believe that every family has burdens that they bare. Mine just so happens to be drug abuse. From a little girl , I've watched the people I love move funny , never understanding that there was something bigger controlling their mind. .
My mother was the only one who resisted the cycle , all of her siblings having drug addictions . Although that's something most would applaud I cringe at the memories that I enjoyed , now knowing that the fond moments of my childhood were tainted right below my nose. For the life of me I couldn't figure out why my uncle was in and out and why my cousins lived with us. Why the times ( few and far between) that I seen my Aunt she looked good..then bad again and why the other one I hardly seen with her eyes open? Why did all of my cousins one by one file into my house , living there for months at a time?
But God , looking back I enjoyed the days when my Aunt Kim was clean and she sung Anita Baker's "Sweet Love" to me while she cooked some of the best meals of my life. Girl , I listen to Anita just to feel you now.
And now I appreciate the moments when Aunt Sue sue was so ....gone... that all she could say was " I love you" repeatedly and kiss my cheeks. I regret being young and running from that love.
Rest In Peace to Them Both.
I Thank God for the partially sober moments that I was able to spend with my uncle and I pray continuously for his recovery.
To this day , I still cry ..In fact yesterday was my tipping point. Just when I thought that the cycle that stifled this family had ended ...my heart had been broken one again.
Another loved one had fallen by the wayside right before my eyes.
And while Im not yet ready to share with you the gruesome details. . . just know I now understand the pain of loving someone with all your heart and having them love drugs more.
My heart stopped for 30 seconds , my face swelled, my feet moved before my mouth could scream.
I felt like that little girl again . This time I wasn't running from that love. I was running from the thought of losing you. If you ever read this , I hope you've recovered in time. I hope you love yourself and me enough to
stop this cycle. I hope you see how much you've done what you would kill any man for doing to me. Breaking my heart.